


💺🍑 😱

by katychan666



Series: Texting Series [22]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Texting, emojis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 14:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18896356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Lucifer is in a need of a new throne.Asmodeus directs him to the chair company called Underwood😼💪😎💡🔥





	💺🍑 😱

Asmodeus was happily chilling in his own place in New York that his precious son and husband helped him setup and was drinking a cocktail. Ah, yes, he'd return to Edom every now and then just for formalities, but he was usually in New York, living the best of both worlds. And from what he heard, his older brother was following his steps, living half time in L.A. and half back down in hell. Lucifer had returned to claim the throne, half time, and everything was going great. Asmodeus was truly in a good mood. That was until he heard his phone buzzing and he rolled his eyes when he saw his brother texting him.

 

The thing was; Lucifer had gotten really into texting these days, which wasn't good news. While it was true that that way, he wouldn't bother people in person, it was still very annoying as Lucifer would whine and he would whine a lot, Asmodeus rubbing his forehead and he sighed. Ah, well, he thought he could make this go away quick. He clicked with his tongue and then opened up the text and rolled his eyes when he saw the amount of crying emojis.

 

**Lucifer: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭**

**Lucifer:** _ Brother, you need to help me out  _ 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱.  _ I really need you, so help your brother out  _ 👀.  _ Please? _

**Asmodeus:** 😒😒😒😒😒

**Asmodeus:** _ I know I can't stop you so tell me. What's wrong this time? Again detective? I thought things were going well now that you two finally talked it out _ 😉😈🕵

**Lucifer:** _ Oh, things are going well with the Detective if you know what I mean  _ 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥.  _ I've showed her fun times indeed  _ 😎😎😎😎😎

**Asmodeus:** _ …. _

**Asmodeus:** _ Right. So… Then what happened? _

**Lucifer:** _ It's about Hell, you see  _ 😱😱😱😱

**Asmodeus:** _ What about it?  _ 😅

**Lucifer:** _ Well! Now that I'm running Hell again… kind of! I've came to realise something. _

**Asmodeus:** _ Which is?  _ **👀**

**Lucifer:** _ My throne is fucking uncomfortable  _ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.  _ My poor ass hurts so much  _ 🙈🙈🙈

**Asmodeus: 😂😂😂😂😂😂**

**Lucifer:** _ Yeah, it's not really funny  _ 😒.  _ How about we switch for a while? I've tried making adjustments, but nothing works  _ 😱  _ Dad cursed my throne, I cannot make it more comfy. So how about you be a good brother and help me?  _ 👀😎🔥

**Asmodeus:** _ Uuuum… no. I'm keeping my throne  _ 😍

**Lucifer: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭**

**Lucifer:** _ Betrayal. The betrayal! How dare you?!  _ 😱😱😱😱😱😱

**Asmodeus:** _One day my son will be sitting on that Throne_ ✨✨😘. _I can't have his precious 🍑 sit on THAT_

**Lucifer:** _ Okay, that's valid. Maggy's 🍑 deserves only the comfiest thrones, but how about my 🍑??? It will fall off  _ 😱😱😱😱

 

Asmodeus tried not to roll his eyes, but it was impossible. He understood his brother's pain, but it wasn't like he could do much about it. Unless! An idea suddenly popped into his mind! 

 

**Asmodeus: 💡💡💡💡💡💡💡**

**Lucifer: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀**

**Asmodeus:** _ One word: Underwood  _ ✨

**Lucifer:** _ Under what?!  _ 😳😳😳😳😳

**Asmodeus:** _ Oh, it's a chair company  _ ✨.  _ Not that it has taken off properly, but! Listen to this! Underhill and Alec claim that their company, Underwood, makes the most comfortable chairs out there  _ 🔥🔥😎😈.  _ My son and his hubby are CEOs  _ 💖💖💖

 

As Asmodeus wrote that, he was cackling. But he knew Lucifer would fall for it. He usually did and it seemed like his little prank worked just fine.

 

**Lucifer:** _ Your son in law has a chair company? Wow!  _ 😍😍😍  _ maybe they could make me a new comfy throne  _ 👀👀👀👀👀.  _ Oh and it's even better because it would be custom made  _ 😈😈😈🔥.  _ Oh. Thank you so much, I'll give them a call  _ 👀

**Asmodeus:** _ Don't mention it  _ 😉

**Lucifer: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

**Asmodeus: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

 

"Alec, Magnus, I'm sorry, but I really wanna have some peace," said Asmodeus to himself and then leaned back in his chair. "And finally enjoy this cocktail. It's been too long, Love," said Asmodeus and emptied his glass, the drink tasting even sweeter now than before.

 

**

 

Alec was minding his own business as he was watching TV when a text came and he rolled his eyes. That was until he saw that the text was from the devil himself and Alec quickly turned off the TV. He always liked talking to Magnus' uncle and Alec looked around, hearing Magnus singing from his office and he smiled. Magnus was busy with cleaning around his office and because Alec didn't want to bother his husband, he decided to handle this on his own. Plus, he knew Magnus wouldn't be in a very good mood if he found out that Lucifer was bothering them  _ again.  _ Then again, he would make Alec immortal, so Alec didn't mind the whiny Lucifer at all.

 

**Lucifer:** _ I hear you can help me with something  _ 💡💡💡💡👀👀👀👀

 

Alec arched an eyebrow.

 

**Alec:** _ With? I think you'll have to be more specific _ 😅😅😅.  _ But I'd love to help out my uncle in law  _ 😈😈🔥.  _ How can I be of help? _

**Lucifer:** _ You have a chair company  _ 🔥

**Alec:** _??? _

**Lucifer** _ : Underwood  _ 😎😎😎👀👀👀✨✨✨

**Alec:** _ Ah, that!  _ 🙈

**Lucifer:** _ Yes! So, I'd like to order one. You see, the throne I have back in Hell sucks, it's very uncomfortable. Also, one of the reasons I escaped Hell  _ 😱😱😱.  _ But maybe you could help me out  _ **🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

**Lucifer:** _ My brother said that the company is still in the making but that's okay. I can wait and it would be my pleasure to be your first customer  _ 😎😎🔥.  _ How about it? Can I already make an order? _

**Lucifer:** _ My  _ 🍑  _ deserves only the best and a new, custom made throne is what I deserve. Asmodeus says you claim that your chairs are the most comfy ones  _ 👀👀👀.  _ Oh! Amazing! Also I'd like my name to be written on it! In big bold letters. Like this: LUCIFER, THE AMAZING RULES OF HELL. BOW DOWN TO YOUR KING!  _ 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

**Lucifer:** _ How about it? Do we have a deal?  _ 😘😘😘😘😘😘

**Lucifer:** _ Alec? _

**Lucifer: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱**

**Lucifer:** _ Don't leave now! _

**Lucifer:** _ Oh!  _ 😼😼😼😼😼  _ are you writing all of this down? _ 💪💪💪💪💪

**Lucifer:** _ I'd like a blue soft bottom to go with it  _ ✨.  _ It's a royal colour, you see. Or purple. Hmm  _ 😼😼😼.  _ Which would be better?  _

**Lucifer:** _ Maybe gold?  _ 👌

**Lucifer:** _ The possibilities are endless!  _ 😍😍😍

 

As Lucifer continued spamming Alec, the hunter was getting more and more worried. How should he tell him that the whole Underwood thing was just his drunken idea?! Also, Alec kind of felt betrayed that Asmodeus did him like that! So unfair! Not to mention that Underhill would be probably mortified when he'd tell him about the devil wanting to order a… throne from them. What should he do?!

 

"Magnus, I need you!" yelped Alec and Magnus was soon in the living room with him. "Your uncle is spamming me. Look," said Alec and Magnus narrowed his eyes, taking the phone into his hand and his eyes widened when he read the texts. What the hell was going on?! 

 

"I'll kick my dad," said Magnus under his breath and then wrapped his arms around his husband, who didn't know what to do as the texts just kept on coming. Lucifer was really on a roll and Magnus was tempted to laugh, but then didn't when he saw that Alec was worried for real.

 

"What do I do?" asked Alec and shuddered.

 

"It's okay, I'll deal with him. Okay?" asked Magnus and Alec nodded, kissing his husband as he was truly the best person _ ever.  _ While Magnus was dealing with his uncle, Alec decided to showcase Underhill what was going on!

 

**Alec:** *text messages forwarded from Lucifer*

**Alec:** _ Behold!  _ 😱

**Underhill:** _ Wait, what?! _

**Underhill:** _Boss, what did you do?!_ 😱

**Alec: 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈**

**Alec:** _ Not me! It was Asmodeus!  _ 😒

**Underhill:** _ Wait…. Lucifer???? As in the Devil?! Alec!!!!! What do we do now? Underwood doesn't exist! _

**Alec:** _ I don't know  _ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

**Alec:** _ Magnus is dealing with it now. We need professional help!!  _ 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

**Underhill:** _ Omg!!!  _

**Underhill:** _ Boss! We need to hide  _ 😥😥😥😥

**Alec:** _ Don't worry, my hubby knows how to handle Luci. He'll get us through this  _ **🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

**Underhill:** _ God I hope you're right! _

**Alec: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

**Underhill: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭**

**Alec: 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗**

**Alec: 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘**

**Underhill: 👻** _ this is me now _

**Underhill:** _ Soul left my body. Goodbye cruel world 👋 _

**Alec: 😱😱😱😱😱**

**Alec:** _ You can't leave me like this!  _ 😭😭😭  _ we have work to do  _ 😏😏😏😏

**Underhill:** _ What? Make chairs?! _

**Alec: 😂😂😂😂😂😂**

**Underhill: 😭😭😭😭😭😭**

**Alec:** _ I'll ask Marcel to give you CPR then  _ 👌💪😼

**Underhill: 👀👀👀👀**

**Underhill:** _ Oh please do  _ 👀👀👀✨

**Underhill:** _ Can't. Breathe. Need. Help. Now.  _ 😳

**Underhill:** _ Doctor Marcel _ 👨‍⚕️🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

**Alec:** _ You're a dork  _ 😂😂  _ I love you man  _ 😂

**Underhill:** 😍😍😍😍

**Underhill:** _ Did he handle it?! _

**Alec:** _ I'll go check! _

 

"Magnus?" asked Alec when he heard Magnus snickering.

 

"I love my uncle," said Magnus. "He's going to Edom to steal my dad's throne," he said as he was laughing hard. They were worse than children, but he loved them like that. They were hilarious. "Oh and he says he understands, though he's still prepared to help you launch Underwood!" said Magnus, laughing harder.

 

"Your uncle is a dork," commented Alec.

 

"They all are," said Magnus, shaking his head. After he let Underhill know that everything was okay, Alec went back to watching TV, which was even better now. Magnus was there to cuddle him and Lucifer would keep updating them how his renovations were going and the two of them were laughing as they imagined the face Asmodeus would make after he'd see his throne missing.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading  
> Leave a comment if u liked it 🔥


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